Rontini Submarine BBS Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > General > * of the Day
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Jeff Foxworthy
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

"The opinions posted here do not represent those of any company, organization, or group and are those only of the author of the respective post." - From Rontini

New Benefit Auction COMING SOON - See here
UPDATE 6/28: Pictures of some items posted, see above link. Auction is still coming, bidding is NOT open yet.
UPDATE 7/1: Additional pictures added. Rontini has posted the more info at the above link.


Jeff Foxworthy

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Message
Sewer Pipe Snipe View Drop Down
BBS Supporter
BBS Supporter
Avatar

Joined: 04 Jan 2016
Location: Albany, GA
Status: Offline
Points: 4600
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sewer Pipe Snipe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Jeff Foxworthy
    Posted: 25 Dec 2017 at 6:32am
Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer
The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler
The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys
I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy
The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife
The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives
My wife couldn't argue and neither could I
So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried
When out in the yard the dog started barkin'
I stood up and looked and saw Sheriff Larkin
He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws
And I got a complaint from a feller named Clause"
I said, "Clause, I don't know nobody named Clause
And you ain't takin me in without probable cause"
Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night"
I said, "That might've been me, just what's he look like?
The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly
That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly
He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry"
I said, "That sounds like my wife's sister Sherri"
"It's no time for jokes Roy, " the Sheriff he said
"The man I'm describing is dressed all in red
I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean
Tell me what you done, and tell me what you seen"
Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell
It wouldn't be the first time I spent New Years in jail
I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten
I thought that my wife had been drinking again"
When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost
I thought maybe she'd seen one of them UFO's
But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head
And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red
Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shutter
A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter
Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun
When outta Red's chimney this feller did run
And slung on his back was this bag overflowin'
I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'
So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air"
But he went about his business like he hadn't a care
So I popped off a warning shot over his head
Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled
And as he flew off I heard him extort
"that's assault with intent Roy, I'll see you in court. "I'll tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet"
On me I won't show up, I'll hold up in the cellar
And you'll never rout me outta there
So why don't you just
Turn car off come
In well watch wrestling eat some
Easter bunny stew and talk about howta catch that tooth fairy
She's been over here about every other night
Walt,
Had I done everything right throughout my life, the World wouldn't have noticed.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 11.04
Copyright ©2001-2015 Web Wiz Ltd.

This page was generated in 0.031 seconds.