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______walked into a bar...

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scrivener View Drop Down
Mess-Crank
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    Posted: 21 Apr 2018 at 3:13pm

A skeleton walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Give me a beer, and a mop!"

A hungry termite walked into a bar. He walked to the front and sat down at a beautiful, mahogany bar. There was no one behind it, so he asked the guy sitting next to him, "Is the bar tender here?"

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sewer Pipe Snipe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Apr 2018 at 7:25pm
There you go, I just lost the bet. I swore your first returned posted joke would be a Lawyer Joke. 
Walt,
Had I done everything right throughout my life, the World wouldn't have noticed.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr. Stan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2018 at 12:22pm
Here's one for the nukes:

A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer,” he says.

The bartender promptly serves up a beer.

“How much will that be?” asks the neutron.

“For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge."

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.~Abe Lincoln
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr. Stan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2018 at 12:29pm
Originally posted by Sewer Pipe Snipe Sewer Pipe Snipe wrote:

There you go, I just lost the bet. I swore your first returned posted joke would be a Lawyer Joke. 


You want lawyer jokes?  Try here:

Lawyer Joke Collection
http://www.iciclesoftware.com/LawJokes/IcicleLawJokes.html

Here's a couple of samples:

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.



It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.~Abe Lincoln
SS-393, SSBN-610(B), SSBN-624(G), SSN-591
USSVI Life Member; Holland Club; Plank Owner, Smoky Mtn. Base
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JrKrup, Skimmer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2018 at 2:06pm
A lawyer was out deep sea fishing. He fell overboard into a nest of sharks. The sharks escorted the lawyer safely to shore. Reason: Professional courtesy.
 
Most common female lawyer first name: Sue.
Jon Krup, Skimmer - Minesweeps
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote scrivener Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2018 at 3:49pm
Walt, it's not a lawyer joke, but here is one of my favorites:
 
Two atoms walk into a bar and, after having too many beers, one of the atoms stumbles and falls.  "Whoa!" he shouted, "I think I just lost an electron!" 
 
"Are you sure?"  asked the second atom. 
 
"Yes, I'm positive!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr. Stan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Apr 2018 at 1:13pm
Originally posted by scrivener scrivener wrote:


Two atoms walk into a bar and, after having too many beers, one of the atoms stumbles and falls.  "Whoa!" he shouted, "I think I just lost an electron!" 
 
"Are you sure?"  asked the second atom. 
 
"Yes, I'm positive!"


So, the second atom yells at the other atom patrons, "Will somebody keep an ion this guy?  Come on, don't be negative . . . We don't want the bar tender to charge him."

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.~Abe Lincoln
SS-393, SSBN-610(B), SSBN-624(G), SSN-591
USSVI Life Member; Holland Club; Plank Owner, Smoky Mtn. Base
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